I lose my purpose like keys mislaid
Where was I when I saw it last?
I remember a rehearsal …
a night I was writing …
I remember making music
with somebody …

No, wait, I’ve seen it since then.
While lying with you,
walking with you,
marrying you …
Yes, I had it with me then.

Today, I look for it
in the refrigerator,
under the covers,
amongst the bills …
It must be around here
somewhere.

I can’t think where to look
stuck in the shallows like I’ve been,
skimming the surface of money
to live on, the moneyed in power,
and the money I owe them …
and me just counting backwards
from one.

How can I still be wondering
who I am at this age, so near
to a full senior discount?
The costume still unsewn,
once-sharp pins in permanent dispute
with the undecided design.
That sweet rose of poise in bud so long
it’s not clear it will ever bloom.

What’s worse, I seem myself
to appear and disappear
like a blinking light on shuffle
no rhythm to the on or off, no
agreement among the witnesses:
Oh yes, her light is bright …
I thought her rather dim …
A force to be reckoned with …
No, I’m sure we’ve never met.

Pull the wet world on like a raincoat
and let it drip on the floor.
Check the mirror in the hall
to see who’s coming or going.
Will the one who gets there
be the one who is leaving?
The one to come back?

I want to be the one with full lungs
and a steady beat, an easy sparkle and
a quick step. But my belly’s soft
and my hands tend to tremble;
I need time to decide what to do.

Thank the gods of doubt and worry,
a Presence shimmers near and never
wavering. Keys glittering on their hook.

And you,
always you.

KL Robyn © 2012

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